10 Steps to Becoming a Single Mom by Choice
Are you considering becoming a single mom by choice? Perhaps you are wondering what the process looks like and want more information before you make a definitive decision.
First of all, great idea! The nerd in me loves research and a good outlined explanation of what’s what.
Take advantage of my nerd-dom-ness. I promise I won’t get too analytical.
I’ll provide you with the basic breakdown of how to become a single mom by choice in 10 steps.
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Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. The information in this post is for informational purposes and does not constitute medical advice in any way. I am not liable for any damages resulting from using the information in this article. Please consult a doctor for your medical advice.
1. Fertility Specialist
The first stop on our tour today, the fertility specialist. Find a fertility clinic near you and one that accepts your health insurance (if you have it).
The one I found near me was highly recommended, but I still wanted to get my feet wet by learning more about their clinic, the options they offered, and ask any questions before I committed to going to that clinic.
See if they host virtual seminars. The seminar I attended came with a free virtual consultation with one of their specialists.
This allowed me to meet one-on-one with a doctor from the clinic to learn more about what my next steps would be and get specific information on navigating my expecting-envoy.
Following this consultation, you will most likely be sent a packet of information that will provide you with action items, recommended testing, information about the clinic, and how to get ready for pregnancy. Arm yourself with all the knowledge you can get your hands on.
Your next step is to throw on your big girl pants and get to the business of prepping your body for making a baby.
2. Body Prep
You will be provided with a guide on what vitamins to take, what a healthy weight is for pregnancy, what to avoid like limiting caffeine, alcohol, etc., and how regular exercise can prepare your body for getting pregnant and maintaining a healthy pregnancy.
I would also suggest doing your own research as well. Find an exercise routine that works for you, if you don’t already have one in place.
You may have to shift your body-building sessions to more of a Suzanne Sommers kind of workout. Basically, if you want to maintain your workouts while pregnant, you may have to ease up a little so it’s safe for you and baby.
Figure out where to get the best vitamins, ones that are affordable and provide the best-sourced ingredients. There are a lot of vitamins out there that use fillers or limited ingredients in each dose.
If you are overweight, try and implement a healthy diet that helps you to shed some of those extra pounds. Make sure you do this in a healthy, recommended manner.
If you push your body too hard to lose weight with diet and exercise it can be detrimental to what you are trying to achieve, conceiving a baby and having a healthy pregnancy. Keep your eye on the baby-ball.
Also, don’t be too hard on yourself if you don’t reach this goal. I was overweight and was recommended to lose ten pounds to put me in a better position for conceiving.
I failed on this assignment. I think I was only able to drop about 5 pounds before my first insemination.
Just make your best effort and try to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Prepping your body is a process and isn’t going to happen overnight.
Do your research, ask questions, and consult with professionals/experts. Your doctors are an excellent source of information, but it can also be helpful to learn from other’s experiences and find out what works best for you.
3. Genetic Carrier Testing
This is something that I was not expecting as part of the process, but what a huge benefit this is. You are able to find out if you are a carrier for certain genetic disorders or conditions.
It’s almost like getting your genetic fortune told, but it’s backed with science. “I can see you are a carrier of x, y, and z. Your donor will be tall, has dark hair, and is not a carrier of x, y, or z”.
I was unaware of how this affected the conception of a healthy baby. Essentially, if you are a carrier for any genetic disorders you will want to find a donor that is not a carrier of the same ones.
Matching with a donor who shares these genetic disorders increases the risk of your baby developing these conditions or fertilized ovum surviving the pregnancy.
This testing does not cover all genetic abnormalities, but it does cover a vast majority, and arms you with knowledge and more reproductive options.
Heavy stuff, but it will be a vital part of having a healthier baby. You should definitely look into having this testing done.
4. Donor
Picking the right donor has a lot to do with your personal preferences and what traits you are looking for in procreating a genetically blessed child. Genetic carrier testing helps to narrow down this pool.
The donor banks provide you with a plethora of information on each donor including their physical attributes, genetic testing results, background on their education, and professions. You will be able to see if any pregnancies have resulted from the donor, the price of the specimen, and the availability of their semen in different vial types.
To learn more about the different vial types, here is a blog article from the Seattle Sperm Bank.
Some of the information provided by these banks will vary, but they all will typically have this core information. They may also provide additional information that can be obtained for an individual donor by purchasing each item of information, as a bundle, or by signing up for a premium membership to the bank.
I think that this process can be kind of a tedious one, looking over all the technical information. It can feel very impersonal, but once you find the right one, you’ll feel a connection.
At least that’s how it went for me. I knew the basics of what I was looking for and had looked over several different profiles throughout my years of considering becoming a SMC.
Scrolling through the countless profiles left me feeling a little numb to the process, but I instantly felt a surge of emotions after reading through the donor profile I decided on. Something in me knew it was the one I had been looking for.
Trust yourself and your choices.
5. Testing & Fertility Meds
Depending on your initial fertility testing, your doctor may recommend additional testing, procedures, and fertility medications. You may also opt for these things on your own.
After my first insemination failed, my doctor recommended a procedure to help clear out any potential debris from my fallopian tubes and see if either of my tubes had any blockages. You can read more about this procedure in my post How My Insemination Went Down.
I opted for a small dose of fertility meds and a shot that triggered ovulation to improve my chances of conceiving prior to my insemination.
There are different options that are available to you depending on how your initial fertility evaluation goes. Your doctor should counsel you on these options, but make sure to educate yourself as well and ask your doctor about what you find to help you decide what is best for you and your conception journey.
6. Insemination
The pinnacle moment has arrived. Everything you’ve done up to this point has prepared you for this very quick moment (if you are having an IUI procedure like I did).
I can’t offer up much information about the experience of other procedures because that was not my experience, but I would encourage you to research and educate yourself on the other types of fertility treatments and procedures, so you are aware of all your options.
You may be thinking that an IUI procedure is a very involved process and it is for the behind-the-scenes part where they wash, test, and prepare the semen sample, but as for your involvement, this procedure is a swift process.
The doctor and nurse will enter the room with the prepped semen sample and syringe. You’ll be counseled on the steps of the insemination, given the opportunity to ask any questions, and then it’s down to business.
The syringe is inserted, the semen is injected near the fallopian tubes, and you’re done. Now all you have to do is wait.
7. The Two Week Wait
This is one of the most exciting and excruciating times of your life. You could potentially be pregnant. It’s an amazing feeling, but the unknown part can be very frustrating.
Like any test that you take where you have to wait for the results, it can be hard to stay patient. My best advice here is to try not to dwell on the possibility, try staying in the now, and stay busy.
You’ll want to symptom spot and try to predict the result with cues from your body. The problem is that those symptoms can closely match up with impending PMS.
Instead of putting yourself through that internal struggle, which I know is hard not to do, try to keep yourself distracted with activities, entertainment, and friends. When your mind drifts back to this exciting possibility, just try to revel in the fact that you made it this far and have hope that maybe it worked.
8. The Results
Positive or Negative? Positive, you pass go, collect $200 (I wish) and you’re off to the races to the next stage: Pregnancy. Negative, and you don’t go all the way back to start, but you do go back 3 steps and start again at Testing & Fertility Meds.
You need three things to align in order to get a positive:
– A strong sperm (literally one out of the millions needs to be able to penetrate that egg and fertilize it)
– A healthy ovum
– A thick uterine wall
The Sperm
The vials come with a certain volume of semen that has millions of sperm in them, but you won’t know how many or the motility of the sperm until your fertility lab can thaw and test a small sample from the vial.
This testing will let the doctor know how successful the sample will be for the IUI procedure, if they would suggest converting to an IVF procedure, or if procuring a different donor specimen is needed. They will do their best to use the samples you’ve chosen.
The Ovum
Now, I know what you’re thinking, doesn’t my Aunt Flo ditch all the bad eggs? Aren’t there only good ones left? Ehhhh. Wrong.
You’re born with all the eggs you’ll ever have in your life. One will release each time you ovulate. It doesn’t matter if it’s the “most popular” egg with all the best qualities or the “loser reject” egg hanging under the bleachers, smoking a jay.
It’s a roll of the dice on who gets evicted from your ovaries that month and Aunt Flo doesn’t doesn’t play favorites. Everyone gets expelled.
The Uterine Wall
That uterine lining of your wall needs to be a thick cozy layer for that healthy fertilized ovum to want to snuggle up on. Like a comfy bed with a nice thick pillow topper and warm inviting comforter that you just want to nestle up into.
Your doctor may prescribe you a Progesterone supplement to assist with the thickening of your uterine wall. Talk to your doctor about if this is something they would recommend for you.
9. Pregnancy
You reached the gauntlet and are now on to your next adventure, pregnancy.
Ok, so let’s compare pregnancy to a family road trip to a new, exciting destination. It involves so many different experiences in one journey.
Pretty much everything you experience is new to you. Some of it is amazing, but other parts are less than desirable.
It has elements that are fun and thrilling, moments of anticipation, but it’s also a long trip and can have its stressors. There’s potential for family drama, some wild adventures, special memories, and times when you literally want to kill the person sitting next to you for breathing too loud.
But in the end, you look back on it with very fond memories of the good moments and laugh at the not-so-great ones, eventually.
If you want to learn a little more about each of these trimesters and my experiences of each, you can check out my post What You Need To Know About The Three Trimesters.
Pregnancy is different for every mom and with every pregnancy. I hope you enjoy the ride and it leads you to an easy labor and delivery.
10. Labor & Delivery
And it’s go-time! Your pregnancy is coming to an end and you are about to become a mom.
Like pregnancy, this experience is different for each expectant mother. How your body handles your labor, like your pregnancy, will be unique to you and that pregnancy.
You may choose to have a vaginal birth with or without drugs, you may choose to or be recommended to have a c-section, or maybe you want to experience an at-home water birth. This mostly depends on you and your preferences, but ultimately, it’s up to your baby and the best and safest way to bring them into the world.
I had a scheduled c-section. My son was measuring to be around 10 lbs and it is usually strongly recommended by doctors to have a c-section for a baby of this size for a safer delivery. I opted for this type of delivery and gave birth to my 9 lb 15 oz baby safely, with no complications.
Due to this, I can’t provide too much information about the laboring side since that wasn’t a big part of my experience. I did start contracting the morning that I was scheduled for my cesarean.
I guess that was my son’s way of saying that he was coming that day whether I was ready for him or not. He was making his debut into the world.
The contractions did get pretty intense up to the moment of my epidural and spinal block for my c-section, which took that pain away completely in a matter of minutes.
Now, I had done a lot of research about what labor would be like before I knew I was having a c-section. I also took a Labor and Delivery class that was provided by the hospital where I was delivering, which was very educational. I learned so much from that experience.
There was a plethora of valuable information that they provided in that class. They covered so many things that were not included in my research. I highly recommend taking one of these classes.
No matter what kind of delivery you have, you and your doctor will choose the best delivery option for you and your baby. You could be planning on a water-birth at home, a natural birth in the hospital, one with drug assistance from an epidural, or a planned c-section.
Just remember that this is a plan, not necessarily how your delivery will happen. Each pregnancy is different and so is your body’s response to giving birth and what’s going on internally with your baby.
Depending on the situation, this could result in your plans changing. So my advice to you is to have a general plan, a good idea of how you would like your delivery to happen, but keep an open mind. Plans can change, be adaptable.
Childbirth is an incredible experience no matter how it happens. It will change your life forever, transforming you from woman to warrior. You’re a mom!
Cheers, Warriors!
I hope you enjoyed reading this post and found it entertaining, educational, inspiring—hopefully, all three. Please be sure to leave any comments or questions you have in the Comments section below.
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