How To Choose The Sperm Donor For You
Choosing a donor can feel like a very daunting task. You may be unsure whether you want to go with someone you know, an anonymous donor from a sperm bank, or write a really convincing letter to Chris Hemsworth’s wife explaining how you need her husband’s sperm for an experiment of sorts.
With that being said, there are several ways you can start a family. I was open-minded about my options, but I had my heart set on experiencing pregnancy.
I wanted to experience every flutter in my stomach, every kick to the ribs, and that amazing moment when you’re finally face-to-face with that beautiful baby you’ve grown in your body for 9 whole months.
Let’s be clear though, I was not looking forward to the laboring part and had every intention of requesting an epidural the second I walked into those hospital doors.
Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. The information in this post is for informational purposes and does not constitute medical advice in any way. I am not liable for any damages resulting from using the information in this article. Please consult a doctor for your medical advice.
Considering The Options
Since getting knocked up was my number one choice, I was going to need a donor. I considered my options carefully.
I thought about my male friends/acquaintances who were unattached and would potentially be open to being a donor. This was, after all, going to be the cheapest route, so it was worth considering.
I thought about what I wanted in an ideal donor. A beautiful picture of John Krasinski formed in my mind. I mentally scrolled through my male options, lining up the ones that came even semi-close next to Krasinski. There weren’t many.
And the more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable I felt about this option.
This may be an avenue you are interested in exploring and I think if you set clear boundaries and have a legally binding contract, that could be a valid option for you.
For me, I couldn’t get past the Krasinski-comparison step. I had too many fears about what obstacles this option presented.
Even if they signed documentation to make it legally binding that they wouldn’t be involved, what would stop them from trying later?
And what if it was one of my friends? Would they really be okay with seeing a little mini-me at friend gatherings or scrolling through their social feed?
What if they got critical about how I was parenting or tried to insert their own parenting opinions?
If you read my first blog post, you’ll remember that part before about me being a bit of a control freak.
That just wasn’t going to work for me. Maybe none of those things would actually happen, but the what-ifs would have killed me.
I’ll Take Anonymity for $800: The Sperm Bank
I decided to go the route of an anonymous donor from a sperm bank.
Not that anonymous donors are really a thing anymore with databases out there like ‘23 and Me’.
I don’t have an issue if my child would like to explore their biological history, but I’d prefer for them to wait until I’ve got them through high school at least.
This route was the more expensive one, but for my mental health, it was worth it.
The typical sperm bank averages $800+ per vial (insurance doesn’t cover this part). That was probably the biggest out-of-pocket expenditure up to that point that had to be paid upfront.
I had friends that had used sperm banks in the recent past and my days of trolling the banks left me with a familiarity with the options that were out there and how they were formatted.
I ended up going with a bank that my friend recommended because of their competitive pricing and great customer service, Seattle Sperm Bank. This bank is a great option that I would definitely recommend you check out.
Genetic Testing, Blood Types & How They Apply
Now, if you read my previous blog, you’ll remember how I mentioned that part of my initial testing involved Genetic Carrier Testing. This let me know what kind of genetic markers I had and what I was a carrier of.
Essentially, what you want to do is make sure that the donor isn’t also a carrier of any genetic markers that you have. That is how genetic issues happen, when two carriers conceive, they raise the risk of genetic mutations that can cause severe issues.
Here is more information on Genetic Carrier Testing from Labcorp Women’s Health.
I also had to avoid a specific blood type to yet again avoid more genetic issues as a result of my blood type. Something about the RH factor, which is a protein found in the blood that can cause red blood cell issues in the fetus and lead to the risk of having a miscarriage.
If you have an A blood type, you will be given a shot while you are pregnant to help avoid this issue. There is an abundance of information that The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists provides in FAQ section for The RH Factor: How It Can Affect Your Pregnancy
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I plugged the genetic markers and my blood type into the system on the sperm bank and like the wheel of fortune, I spun that metaphorical revolving circle as I pressed the submit button and watched the lucky candidates load.
Why Does This Feel Like Match.com?
The ‘candidates’ each have a profile that provides you with a plethora of information on them. It’s almost like you’re on a dating site, scrolling through the different profiles until you find one that strikes your fancy.
These profiles are set up in a very similar fashion as an online dating profile, it’s almost eerily close to the same experience, except no one is dm-ing you dick pics.
It is crazy how much you can narrow down the pool. You can set filters for height, weight, hair and eye color, ethnicity, and their available units (yes, they’re referring to their sperm and the different types of how the specimen is processed).
I bet the last dating site you were on wasn’t that thorough. Or maybe it was, it’s been a while since I’ve been on one of those.
Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner
I’d scoured through countless profiles throughout the years on many different sperm bank sites. I never found a profile that I felt a connection with or maybe I didn’t allow myself to because I wouldn’t have been ready to act on it.
This time was different, I had all my ducks in a row and it was time to get down to business. I scrolled through the first couple of pages, but no one’s profile was calling out to me.
Then, second profile down on the third page, the spark. He was tall, had brown hair, green eyes, athletic build, and came in a glass tube. Checking all my boxes so far.
Looking for a sperm donor is a lot like searching for a person you are attracted to, which makes sense if you think about it from a biological standpoint. You’re picturing a mash-up of you and them in the form of offspring. Like what Kate Hudson did to Matthew McConaughey in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, but less creepy.
I began reading through the profile description and the more I read the more connected I felt to this particular Krasinski-feeling candidate. Even the staff impressions were describing exactly what I was looking for in a donor.
It’s hard to describe, but there is a feeling that washes over you when you find the right donor. You just know it’s the right one. Or at least that’s what I assume it feels like for others. It sure did for me.
This donor, who was giving me all the feels, had two vials left. It felt like fate. The exact number of vials I needed to purchase. I snatched them up quickly and immediately headed to the checkout. I wasn’t risking someone else stealing “my man’s goods”.
I typed in the information of the clinic for the specimens to be shipped to and put in my credit card information to complete my purchase.
It’s a weird feeling purchasing sperm, hoping those little swimmers are plentiful and that at least of one them is strong enough to successfully penetrate your hopefully healthy ovum.
I was beyond elated that I found my donor and that soon his specimen would arrive. My next stressor was finding the patience to make it to the pinnacle of this entire process, insemination day.
In my next blog post, I will share my experience of How My Insemination Went Down.
Cheers, Warriors!
I hope you enjoyed reading this post and found it entertaining, educational, inspiring. Hopefully, all three. Please be sure to leave any comments or questions you have in the Comments section below.
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